With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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