consequently i now know what mace tastes like
The police scanner is talking about you again....
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
