just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
