im drinking this country out of the recession.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
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just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
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I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
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