Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
it wasn't lemon gatorade
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
