i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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