i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
