I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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