Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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