My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
