tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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