I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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