It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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