haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
