Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
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