if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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