Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
