I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
