so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
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Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
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If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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