My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
