when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
