Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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