god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
