I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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