her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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