where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
