It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
