Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
