he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize