i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
