based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
