there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
