I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
