You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
