I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
