so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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