If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize
