how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
