i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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