your room smells of hookers.
And success
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
