My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
