if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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