After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
