I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
