I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
