brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I could fuck to npr.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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