okay pat passed out under dana's car
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
