so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
