She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
you inspire me to be a worse person
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
