Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
