If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
If I had your ass I would rule the world
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
