rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
