I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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