big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
