Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
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