I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
