My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
