your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
