so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
