Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
