My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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