Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
