There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
where are you?
Hypothermia
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
