i was rollin on her like bob the builder
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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