We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I have so many feelings about this burrito
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