____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
