I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
did i just pee glitter
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
