You smell like a Billy Joel song
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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