I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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