Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
