So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize