Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
