maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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