He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
