they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I can't trust your balls anymore.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
