You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
