Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
