and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
