I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
