PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
