I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
