Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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